Doubt like a weed
I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Yet before the mirror I stand,
Doubt like a weed creeps up beneath the roses.
I know that His hands hold it all.
Yet bent over papers and books at night,
Doubt like a weed saps my strengths.
I know that He is a good, good father.
Yet braced with the world’s suffering and wrong,
Doubt like a weed shrouds the light.
For as long as I am human, I am imperfect.
Vulnerable to the clutches of doubt.
I need Him daily
To point me to the shovel that digs down deep.
Piercing the surface and getting to the root.
Ignorance is the weed’s best friend.
Attentive, regular pruning not so much.
To bloom where I am planted,
My roots must first be released from the entangles of doubt,
Over and over.
Inspiration for writing this:
When confronted with the word ‘doubt’, I thought of the way that even as a believer it is so easy to slip into despair because of doubts left untouched. On earth, there will always be ‘weeds’. There will always be strife and questions unanswered. Until we reach a place where they are no more, we simply have to be prudent, regular and trusting in our willingness to extract them from the root. To really question and solve the causes of our doubts is to dig down deep, to seek God’s grace to give us wisdom.
Growing up, my Grandad has always grown the most beautiful roses, he is a besotted gardener. Yet, his flower beds are not immune to weeds, and it would be naive to think otherwise. As a child, what I saw as a seemingly effortless beauty bursting from his garden was only made possible by his persistent effort to sort the rose from the weed. To scour the soil that his garden may remains a haven of healthy, strong blooms.
The longer we leave a doubt untouched and ignored, the more time it has to wrap itself around our roots, to entwine its lies with our truths and to pull at the foundations keeping us upright. We cannot simply ‘trim’ a weed and expect it to disappear for good. Likewise, we cannot simply brush over the effects of our doubt and expect the underlying cause to perish.