Jess

 

So for me, this week has been a sit back and wow trip because of the journey God has taken me on this past year. A year ago I could have never made this trip or taken up a new job in a new city, as I had done just a week before. Anxiety rocked and ruled my life from the age of 12. During school and college I lived in constant fear and found anything outside of my home hard. Anxiety drove a permanent fear in me and left me constantly frustrated and exhausted. Then Jesus broke into my life at 16 and began a work that I can only say has finished with this trip.

Despite these past 6 years of slow healing, anxiety still dictated many of my decisions and I found myself constantly trapped in a body that refused to let me dream or take risks because my brain would destroy any hope of success. However I’d begun to notice that when I didn’t let my fear have a say, when I leaped out into what God had for me, He always caught me. Not going to lie, they often didn’t end up how I expected but He was always faithful, and with each step taught me to trust Him more and more. And slowly the chains began to fall off.

Applying for this trip was one of those decisions. I honestly didn’t think I would get in and so when I did, anxiety did everything in its power to stop me coming. They weren’t a fun few weeks. But then I chose to trust that God is all He says He is and all that He’s promised me. That I’ve been ordained on this trip since the beginning of time. That my God is bigger than all the darkness my brain could conjure up. Ever since that decision I have felt a growing peace about this trip. And since the summer, God has completely broken any remaining anxiety on me. I got on a plane by myself without even nerves, when before even cars were a struggle. I used to be anxious about large groups of people, public speaking, food, travel, new places, minibuses and so much more but this trip has showed me the new state I’m now living in. I feel a glimpse of true freedom in Him for the first time.

Not only has this been a trip of breakthrough and awe at the work God has done, but it’s blessed me in so many other ways. I have 21 of the coolest new friends, I have met some of the most inspiring and amazing people, seen the most gorgeous sights and have a new fire in my soul that God wants to use each one of our unique gifts to bring change and to show His glory to where we’re sent. God’s plans always prevail and I have learnt to go when He says go, because I never again want to miss out on the journey He has.

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